How do I deal with an annoying husband?
That’s a question I asked myself a lot early in our marriage. Mainly because I had no shortage of reasons to be irritated.
And I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to live with an annoying husband.
If he picked up a snack for me and I was on a diet, I was annoyed.
If he wanted to get intimate and I’d had a long day. Annoyed.
It took me a long time to realize how I was hurting my marriage.
Annoyance is like silent criticism. Criticism, even if it’s not vocal, hurts. Criticism to men feels a lot like failure. When we’re constantly annoyed with our husbands, we may make them feel like they don’t measure up.
Find yourself doing this?
- Rolling your eyes and telling your kids to change their clothes after he dresses them
- Remaking the bed after he makes it
- Begin wiping up crumbs he’s missed after he cleans the kitchen
- Reloading the dishwasher after he loads it
- Expressing irritation because the baby’s diaper is on so loosely it looks like its’s going to fall off
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For us, it’s just a roll of the eyes or an over-exaggerated sigh. But for him, we’re communicating much more.
According to Shaunti Feldhahn, author and relationship researcher, things that seem insignificant to us–an eye roll or a heavy sigh– can make your husband feel inadequate. The easiest way to describe it for women is the way you feel when you think you’re not enough. We all hate that feeling. But that’s exactly how he feels when you’re critical.
When I’m tempted to express irritation at my husband, I use the “Rule of 5.” This one simple thing made a huge difference in my marriage.
How should you deal with an annoying husband?
Rule of 5
The “Rule of 5” isn’t my genius, but it works.
When my husband does something that upsets or irritates me, I ask myself, “Will this matter in five months?”
Most of the time, it won’t. It might not even matter in five days.
But the impact of my bad attitude on him might matter in five years. When I acted irritated all the time, the result was a grumpy, disengaged, distant husband.
Before you start down a path that may end up in frustration and hurt feelings, try the Rule of 5.
Even after all these years of marriage, some of my husband’s quirks can still get on my nerves from time to time.
Before expressing irritation, I use the Rule of 5.
The next time you feel irritation bubbling up, ask yourself, “Will this matter in 5 minutes? 5 days? 5 years?”
If the answer is “no,” let it go.
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